Janelle Esker This past May my husband and I celebrated 25 years of marriage! Getting married was one of the best things I have ever chosen to do. That statement also does not mean that my marriage has been easy or always enjoyable. I have, however, learned a few things about “how to make marriage work”.
I would absolutely say that I have a very happy and fulfilling marriage. We have a united purpose and our love is still growing…I am blessed!
I have been reflecting lately on why our marriage works? I have come up with some principles that have made our marriage last.
How to Make Marriage Work
Commitment We took our commitment seriously. We made a covenant with God that we would honor Him through marriage and that we would never ever consider divorce. We promised God that we would love each other forever. In those dark moments of marriage, we always knew that divorce was NEVER an option.
Feelings We acknowledged that our feelings were not always the truth. We may feel one way but it may not be the truth of the situation. I can remember, as a new believer, the first time I read in the Bible that the heart was bound up in folly. I was shocked! I thought we should follow our hearts? Well, the Bible teaches something different. Now, don’t confuse the issue. God cares about everything you are feeling. He LOVES you, but we must acknowledge that our feelings are rarely the truth.
Forgiveness We forgive each other. Oh, this one can be so hard! I have had to sometimes, forgive in faith. Remember that often the hard things are the right things, especially in marriage.
Time We spend time together. This one has been the hardest for us to do! With 6 kids we rarely had the time or money to go out and do something together. The idea of the weekly date was very hard for us to achieve! We have had times of success and times of total failure. We are still struggling in this area. We are having greater success lately as we have started walking daily with each other. These have been such sweet times for us and we find ourselves wondering why we did not do this sooner? Walking together gives us time for open and honest communication. Even if you can’t go out for a date, check out these encouraging Date Night Cards!
Kissing Michael has made it a point to never leave the house without kissing me and telling me he loves me. In 25 years of marriage, I can not remember a time he has left for work or other time commitments without kissing me goodbye. Now that is an impressive track record!!
Laughter We have been through some harrowing times in our marriage. Brain tumors and strokes, autoimmune disease, and seizures, financial distress, job loss, special needs children and the list goes on and on. Somehow we keep on laughing. Laughter is good medicine for the soul and I believe it. No one in the world can make me laugh like my husband. My son is a close second now but still has a way to go to surpass his dad’s spectacular humor.
Prayer If we have a problem we pray together or separately about the issue. We know we need God to do anything and over the years prayer has become an invaluable practice for guidance, peace, and knowledge.
Counseling If we became stuck on an issue we went to counseling. Looking back we would have gone to counseling more often because its benefits were so enlightening and helpful. We really enjoyed the time with our counselor! We would love to see our children (when they are married) go to counseling every 5 years for a marriage checkup. DISCLAIMER…Please only go to a counselor that is a Bible-believing Christian. Check out his beliefs about marriage before you go.
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YOUR TURN…
What makes your marriage work?
Blessings,
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Hi! Visiting for the first time from A Little R and R blog hop. My story…I suddenly found myself divorced after 18 years of marriage 18 month ago. (Unfortunately is was for the best…) I am now in a new relationship with a Godly man (unlike my ex-husband) and have found our relationship to be much MORE in every way! I enjoy reading about marriage, particularly a Christian-led one, as we – my new companion and I – are choosing to live our relationship as such. It’s amazing!
Hi Jessy,
Thank you for taking the time to comment! I am so happy that God has brought a Christian man into your life! I pray the post was helpful to you…Sending many blessings your way!!
This is great advice. I like your point about the importance of kissing. It’s amazing how much a simple thing like that helps a marriage thrive.
I found you through the Titus 2sday Link-Up.
Thank Katie!
I really appreciate you taking the time to write a comment! I agree with you…kissing is so simple yet so very important in a marriage!
Great post! I especially loved point #2 about feelings not being the truth. This is one I’ve never consciously thought of, but looking back, I can definitely see times when this would have been helpful advice to remember. For us, it is all about commitment. When we each give 110%, we know that we can get through anything.
Thank you for taking the time to comment Brittany! I agree with you about commitment…this one point brings such security to a marriage!
Hi Janelle,
I love this. Nothing makes me happier than happy marriages.
I agree with everything you said. I do have trouble with feelings. I am a INFJ meyers briggs, and i rely heavily on feelings. I often have to take time to myself before i speak and act so that i don’t act out solely on my feelings of the moment.
I got married before I came back to Christ so my husband is not exactly a practicing Christian. I pray for a time we will pray together someday.
But, we have been married for 8 years and we have a good and happy marriage. Congratulations on 25 years (the silver anniversary right?)
Katie
Hi Katie,
Thank you for your comment. If it is any encouragement, I was married as an unbeliever and I came first to Christ then my husband several years later. I will be praying for your husbands salvation and the day when you pray together. Sending MANY blessings your way!
Congratulations on the anniversary! That is quite an accomplishment!
Thanks Brittany! I so appreciate your kind words!
Hi Janelle, I saw that you’re featured on Equipping Godly Women this week! That’s great! I like your post, and what a wonderful idea about walking together daily. This fall my husband and I let our date night slide, but we re-committed to it this past week.
I loved that MMD post as well.
Hi Betsy! Thank you for your kind comment! I am so glad you liked the post and it is so nice to hear about your date nights!
Thanks for setting a godly example! I am so encouraged by your list especially in a time when divorce is so popular. I really liked that you were honest enough to say that counseling is such a good thing for marriage. It seams like many couples or families feel so much shame in going to counseling.
Thank you so much for your encouragement Kayla! I am such a huge advocate of Godly counsel…sometimes we all get stuck and we need some help!
Janelle, thank you for sharing the principles that have kept your marriage strong over the past 25 years. My husband and I haven’t been doing a good job of making date nights a priority lately and we can tell a difference in our attitudes and communication. Thankfully, we were able to enjoy a date day last weekend on the spur of the moment and it was just what we needed! I was thrilled to see your post featured at Equipping Godly Women this week. Congratulations!
What a wonderful, biblical marriage it sounds like you have! I love that you shared your secrets and I agree, laughter is a HUGE part of a healthy marriage. And I love that my hubby makes me laugh more than anyone! Thanks for sharing this wonderful post! It’s featured at the Sat. Soiree this week!
Thank you for your comment and I am so glad you liked the post!
Thanks a lot for the blog post. Really looking forward to reading more.
Thanks, Kam! I hope you will enjoy everything you read here at The Peaceful Haven!
Enjoyed the post!
I’m so thankful, June!
Having read this I thought it was really enlightening. I appreciate you taking the time and energy to put this article together. I once again find myself spending a lot of time both reading and leaving comments!
I’m so glad you are here at The Peaceful Haven, Daniella!