Have you ever heard of The Five Love Languages? I first read the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts in
a Bible study about 3 years into my marriage. I was absolutely shocked and then very interested in the premise that we all have a predominant love language. What is your husband’s love language? Surprisingly, my husband’s love language was not the same as mine!
Reading and discussing this book written by Gary D Chapman, allowed me to become more self-aware. It also began my journey to actively study all areas of my husband’s interests, personality, and faith. Knowledge brings understanding. As I have studied my husband over the past 26 years I have learned much about him and have thoroughly enjoyed the process. It has made my husband feel loved and made me a better wife to him.
To say that this book transformed our marriage would be an understatement.
What’s Your Husband’s Love Language?
In case you are wondering, here is a list of The 5 Love Languages (A big thanks to IACAC for these definitions.)
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” is important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
For those whose love language is spoken with Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your husband feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial.
Understanding what makes your husband feel loved is crucial to a good marriage and it can sure clear up a lot of misunderstandings. The Bible describes love in 1 Corinthians 13:4 as patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant. Love at it’s most basic root is thinking about others as more important than yourselves. As a wife, we must study and have conversations with our husbands to better know how they perceive love.
LOVE LANGUAGE QUIZ I encourage you and your husband to take it! I love taking quizzes! Do you?
My challenge to each of you,
is to make a new habit,
and do one thing a day
that makes your husband feel loved.
YOUR TURN…
I would love to hear how you are showing your husband love in his own love language!
Blessings,
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I love that book! I read the one for kids, and then applied it to other relationships. Like my dad? His love language is service, and mine is time together. So when he couldn’t stay put and would leave almost as soon as a meal was over, I thought he didn’t love me (more to that story, tho). Then I started to figure it out. He just didn’t know how to love me. When my husband and I moved here, he felt overwhelmed at the work our old house needed. His ll is acts of service too. Four years ago (tomorrow!) we moved here and for our wedding anny, I offered to cut the grass (3 acres!) for him. I’ve been doing it ever since. That has taken a huge task off his shoulders, helped him to feel less stressed, and it really showed him we’re in this together. Such a great book–has helped so many of my relationships.
What a wonderful story Courtney! I also use this principle with my kids and it has really helped me to better understand them! Thank you for taking the time to comment!
Don’t you love the Love Languages! I know that when we discovered them, our marriage went to a whole new level of sweetness.
This is a great word, “Understanding what makes your husband feel loved is crucial to a good marriage and it can sure clear up a lot of misunderstandings.”
Thanks for sharing today. I think that many marriages can flourish with this info.
Came over on Modest Mom. Hope you have a blessed day~
Melanie
Thanks for your encouraging comment Melanie…and I totally agree!
Thank you for your article post. Really Cool.
You are so welcome, Jessi!